Welcome everyone to F*ck Like a Woman, episode 4. On today’s show, we’re sharing our sexy story of the week inspired by real people and real events that might encourage some playful exploration or ignite some passion to bring back to your lover. This story is about an alpha male who found pleasure in surrendering to a dominatrix.

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As soon as Nathan laid eyes on her at the business dinner, he knew there was something different about her. Amelie was the CEO of an up and coming marketing firm and had been Nathan’s top pick at strategizing how to take his IT company to the next level. As she walked through the restaurant doors, it wasn’t just the way she looked: her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail on top of her head, her blue eyes matching the sparkle of genuine diamonds in her ears. He had seen plenty of women who could dress up like that and look sweet enough. It was the way Amelie met his gaze steadily, not pulling her eyes away from his, not deferring away like so many other women did. It was the way her hips swayed back and forth with such confidence, such certainty. And in that moment, Nathan knew he wanted her.

“Nathan, right?” Her eyes piercing through his. The sound of his name on her lips seemed as though it had been created just to reside inside her mouth, sending a shiver down his spine. “That’s right,” he nodded, hearing his voice crack, an unusual reaction for him. “Amelie,” she replied, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a card. She pressed it into his hand as she sat down next to him, letting her fingers linger there for a long moment, as though she, too, felt the rush of electricity from his skin to hers.

An hour into the meeting, their chemistry was heightening and nearly palpable, but it was getting late and Nathan had promised to meet a client downtown for drinks.

As they gathered their things and walked outside into the crisp winter air, Nathan tried to curb his interest in her by reaching for a handshake. She placed her hand slowly in his, grinning deviously. “Call me,” she told him, letting her gaze flick down to his lips for a moment before she turned on her high heels and walked away into the darkness. He looked down at his pants, wondering if it was obvious he had an erection. Still feeling her gaze burning into him, he knew that he was going to do just as she asked.

This newfound feeling of obedience was unfamiliar to him, completely foreign. Nathan wasn’t used to giving anyone else any kind of control over him. He had run his own IT company for the last nine years, since he had left college, and it had required him to be in charge at every given moment. And he wouldn’t have had it any other way in his professional life. But his personal life? Well, that was still lacking. So he decided that calling Amelie might just be the way to go. He had never dated a woman who ran her own firm before. Maybe it would be the chance of pace that he needed?

Later that week, he dialed her number, and they exchanged some pleasantries before he came right out and admitted that he’d like to ask her out, but he wasn’t sure how she felt about mixing business with pleasure. Amelie didn’t play coy like so many of his other dates, and she seemed straight to the point, blunt, almost. Her certainty pierced through the phone, confident that their interest in each other would stay separate from their business relationship. So on that note, he invited her to his place for dinner that weekend, and she agreed, sounding pleased by his straightforwardness. “You’ll cook for me?” She asked, though it sounded more like an order than a question. The firmness in her voice cracked like a whip through his system, and he agreed at once.

As soon as she arrived to his loft on Saturday night, he could tell where the night was going; the tension in the room was intense, burning between them as soon as she stepped through the door in her little black dress. He had cooked a full dinner, but as soon as he laid eyes on her, any thought he might have given to eating seemed to slip out of his head just like that. Her mouth curled into a smile as soon as she saw the elaborate meal he’d prepared, seeing that he’d done just as she’d asked.

They broke open a bottle of wine and Nathan walked her around his apartment, showing her the balcony view overlooking the city in his upscale neighborhood. With their glances becoming more and more sexually charged, Amelie moved toward him on the balcony, pressing her body against him, her breasts squeezed into his chest. Moving her hand across the back of his neck, she gripped his hair and pulled his face into hers. She slid her hand between his legs to grip his cock as she kissed him.

“On your knees,” she purred in his ear as she pulled back. He found himself sinking down at once. He didn’t even question it, in fact, he heard himself let out a quiet moan in excited anticipation of what she was going to do to him. Slipping into some blissful place that he had never even known was inside him, Nathan was finally out of control and someone else called the shots. It was surprisingly intoxicating to just surrender.

Amelie pushed his face down onto her shoes, ordering him to take her heels off with his mouth. He had never imagined doing something like that before, but as soon as his mouth found the leather of her heels, he gave in, committed beyond anything else to giving himself over to her, surrendering to her in every way she would let him.

She stroked his head, murmuring “good pet”, as he kissed her legs. He loved her commands. She guided him over to the couch, pulled off his tie, bound his hand behind his back, and pushed his head between her legs to eat her out; the musky sweetness of her pussy filling his mouth – his cock strained in his pants, but she had bound him tight.

“Don’t even think about touching yourself,” she ordered him, clearly not interested in his pleasure where she could focus on her own; he went down on her until his jaw ached and his tongue was raw. He would have kept going all night if she hadn’t pulled his head away and unbuckled his pants. Nathan had never had a woman dominate him. She took his throbbing dick in her hand and stroked it, teasingly slow, drawing a pained groan from his over sensitized form.

She sheathed a condom onto him swiftly, and then lowered herself down on top of him, taking him in deep. In a low voice she warned,“Come before I do, and I’ll punish you,”. She hooked her arms around him and rode him hard. He ached to touch her body, her hips, her breasts, but his hands were still bound behind his back and she was the one calling all the shots – the speed, the depth, the motion of his cock in her pussy. She tipped her head back as she rode him and he drank her in, the sight of this woman, this woman who controlled every part of him – this woman who he wanted to.

And then, she came, grinding herself down on his dick, her eyes burning into his as she let the feeling rush over her. He was so close – but before he had a chance to do the same, she lifted herself off of him, leaving his jaw clenched and his body tensed with the need for her.

“If you think I’m done with you,” she moved behind him, grabbing his bound hands and yanking him to his feet. “You’ve got another thing coming.”

She led him to the bedroom and shoved him onto the bed. This was what Nathan had been waiting for. Someone to restore balance to the tensions of his overly controlled life. Someone to release the mounting pressure of what it meant to be an alpha male in a world where he secretly found pleasure and freedom in domination. Someone like Amelie.

Welcome everyone to F*ck Like a Woman, episode 3. Today’s show is all about unlocking your erotic mind and discussing some practical ways that you can stimulate your sexual mind.

But first, let me ask you a very important question: are you open to stimulating your sexual mind and erotic imagination even after years of being with the same person? If you’re even the slightest bit curious to hear a few ideas on how to get more sexy vibrations flowing through your relationship, I’ve collected some suggestions from both highly intelligent sex educators and respected authors. This is by no means a comprehensive list, but it’s a good start.

Let me preface this by saying that cultivating a strong, elaborate erotic imagination is an art, not a science, and equally important to note is that it is ever-changing. What arouses you today might not arouse you tomorrow. What evoked juicy sex last week may have no effect on your arousal this week. Desire thrives on novelty, uncertainty, and risk. Our brains do this all on their own with or without our conscious direction. My reason for making this point is that in order to let our erotic side flourish and play, it requires a certain amount of creativity to reinvent itself when things get stale, and a willingness to give it space to breath when the rigidity of relationship familiarity becomes stifling.

Lastly, if you’re anything like me, you’ve found yourself at all points of the sexual desire continuum at different chapters of your life and within your relationship. Because there is no one-size-fits-all model for igniting desire and arousal, these ideas are primarily meant to get your erotic wheels turning. Sometimes hearing what worked for someone else gives us inspiration to uncover what might work for us.

Part 1: Open Your Mind to See Sex All Around You

  1. Give yourself permission to masturbate regularly. However you define regularly is totally up to you, but don’t overlook it for very long. Allowing your mind to wander to erotic places is how you keep that world alive inside you. Our erotic imagination is a creative space to dream in whatever wild and virtuous ways we so desire, and no one, not a single person, is entitled to know what you fantasize about. This is a space that is purely yours, it is part of your sexual sovereignty. It’s also very common to wonder if your fantasies are “normal” and what they mean. You might even recognize that you would never dream of actually doing them in real life. Well, that’s the beauty of a fantasy, isn’t it, unless of course, yours involves something illegal. There are several highly respected professionals who have written about sexual fantasies in particular that might give you more insight into your particular fantasies (Michael Bader’s ‘Arousal: The Secret Logic of Fantasies’ or Esther Perel’s ‘Mating in Captivity’) are good books to start with), but remember that each person, situation, and context is layered with complexities so don’t assume the meaning of yours will necessarily be straightforward. The human psyche is intricate and often our erotic desires do not play by the same rules of politics and egalitarianism.
  2. Have you ever given him head just for your own pleasure? It’s pretty fucking hot. I recently read a book called, ‘Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm’ by Nicole Daedone. She talks about how incredibly sensual it is when a woman gives her man a blow job just for her own selfish pleasure. This was a concept I had never spent much time thinking about because with as much patriarchy that still exists in our notions about sex, many women usually frame going down on the guy as being about him, not about them, with obligatory undertones.  Many women tend to think of it as giving a service, rather than taking for their own selfish pleasure. Nicole had presented a very powerful paradigm shift. She instructs the women to first make it known that her intention is purely because she wants to enjoy feeling, licking, and sucking for the sake of her own enjoyment. Ladies, you could probably get him hard just by telling him you that’s what you want to do to him. Nicole says the key is going slow and taking the scenic route, you want to really stop and enjoy the shape, texture, flavor, look, and feel of it in your mouth. She encourages you to take notice of what you just did that made him grow, moan, or quiver. He’s your toy to play with. The fun of it is you’ve got him by the balls, literally.
  3. When you’re in the shower, are you thinking about sex? Do you watch the water droplets fall on your naked skin, drip down your breasts and glide down your legs? There is something so exquisitely beautiful about water falling on a naked body. See yourself through your lover’s eyes, and you will feel cherished. If you were going on a first date, how would you groom yourself in the shower? How do you show your body that you care about her? You get to decide what to shave and how much, but I will argue that a silky smooth freshly shaved body part always feels very sensual to the touch. I’d even take it a step farther and suggest caressing that freshly shaved body part in a self-appreciative, seductive way as you put your lotion on to really tap into why women’s silky skin is so pleasurable to our lovers. If that loving caress from your own hand turns into self-pleasure, then give your body what it wants. Indulge your body – she will feel sexy and desirable.
  4. When was the last time you had a really meaningful conversation with your man? I’m not going to repeat the same cliche bit about the importance of fostering more intimacy with your man, because for many committed couples having more intimacy actually undermines their sexual desire for their current partner (look up the “intimacy-desire paradox” and many of you will probably have a light bulb moment!). Instead, what I like most about meaningful conversations with my partner is peering into his mind to see what interesting perspectives and insights he’s had on life. Sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised to remember that I don’t know everything about him, that he is still mysterious and unknown. These types of conversations help us to see that we can always uncover new ground within our partner, and sometimes it’s not what we expected. The truth is we will never really know our partner. When we make an intentional effort to set aside time specifically designated for peering inside their mind and heart, we are reminded that they are their own unique person with thoughts and feelings different from ours. The longer we are with someone, the more we think we know them. But in fact, a wise coach recently told me, that you only know the version of your partner that they are being for you. In other words, you really have no idea what the rest of that iceberg contains. This is a fact, verified by the simple truth that as human beings we evolve and change all the time, every minute of every day. For this reason, don’t assume that just because your partner told you their opinions about something a year ago, that they still feel the same way, especially when it concerns their wants, needs, and expectations involving your relationship. For some people, that might trigger panic and fear, but look at the other side of the coin, it means that your partner and your relationship hold the promise of possibility and discovery – and isn’t that one of the key ingredients that makes a new relationship so appealing, exciting, and daydream-worthy?

Part 2: Put Yourself in His Shoes

  1. Ask yourself: if I were him, would I want to unwrap me? Think about if you were going out on a date with yourself, are you wearing something that invites playful seduction even down to your skimpies? In fact, have you ever let your man buy you clothes?  I recently tried this and it’s loads of fun. You experience the thrill of surrendering to whatever he wants to see on your body. You don’t get to judge, you don’t get to nitpick – your only job is to put it on and strut your shit out of the dressing room and wait for his eyes to cast the vote. It’s fun not only because you’re totally stepping out of your element and fashion routine, but you get to see him eyeball you from a whole new angle and learn what clothing pieces light him up. But don’t stop there, stay wrapped up in your package after you get home – men like the additional thrill of taking off what you had on for the night. You’re a package they’ve been waiting to unwrap the whole night; don’t deflate their balloon by undressing yourself. One last note on this point is to think about substituting some scrubbish pajamas with something a few degrees cuter for at least 3 or 4 nights of the week. And if you’re like me, you want to see him in some sexier clothes around the house, too, so either buy him some or tactfully drop some flirty hints about what he looks hot in.
  2. Depressurize the sexual initiation and invitation. A couple of things come to mind when I say this: one – his initiation to have sex when you’re not in the mood, and two – the invitation he extends that lacks sexual excitement. We all know there are plenty of times that he initiates when we’re not interested, but how you respond and with what tone makes all the difference. Instead of saying, “I don’t really feel like it,” you could flirt back and say, “not right now, but we definitely will later” so he knows you’re interested, but now isn’t a good time. The key is to imply there is going to be a later. Then there are the other times when he initiates, but his technique does nothing for you sexually – maybe there’s not enough anticipation or buildup to sufficiently intrigue you. If that’s the case, when he says something like, “do you want to have sex tonight?”, you could playfully say something like, “convince me,” which communicates you are open to it, but you need him to entice you. And don’t forget about the ways that you initiate. Many times you can initiate without an overt invitation. One great way you could initiate is to say, “want to give me a massage?” and he reads that as, “I get to put my hands on her naked body, which might lead to sex”. I recommend discussing with him what the easiest ways are to get you in the mood, and what are your favorite lead-ins to sex. When you ask for a massage, make it easy for him to read your signals by either blatantly getting naked or wearing a short night dress with no underwear on. It’s a win-win: he gets a great view while knowing where it will lead, and you get a rub-down with a happy ending.
  3. Are your texts to him still flirty? Has the flirty nature of your messaging eroded into boring, committed talk about the basic facts of life? There are some major differences in how we communicate now versus in the beginning of our relationship. You can probably admit that there’s more playfulness in our messages to our girlfriends than there is to our partner. Tell your man regularly that he is HOTTTTTT or SEXXXXY versus the less exciting version, ‘you look nice’. Put the playful flirting back in your messaging with some of these suggestions, and don’t be afraid to use the hell out of those emojis and punctuation marks:

Loving Committment      vs       Playfully Flirty

– How’s your day going?                 – Hey babe! How’s your day going? winkey face.PNG

– Be home soon                                – Hey love, be home soon. XOXO kissing

– Let’s go see a movie tonight         – Hey sexy, I want to take you to a movie tonight so I can have you all to myself lips romantic

– Have a good day                            – You looked sexy AF when you left for work this morning, GADAYUM firedevil

 

Part 3: Set the Scene

  1. Eliminate, or at the very least, minimize the activities you do in your bedroom that are not sleeping or fucking. The better you can train your brain to associate sexual pleasure with being in the bedroom, the less mental obstacles you’ll have when trying to get in the mood. Your intentions for the bedroom should be to experience pleasure or relaxation. If the bedroom is a place where you sleep with your kids, use as a work space, or watch a lot of TV in, then it’s time for a change because you have, in a sense, de-sexified your fuck space. Don’t shoot for perfection here because things will happen, and being too rigid about anything can feel restrictive. If you find your bedroom has become too uncomfortable for sex because of prior bad experiences, take it to the couch, the kitchen, the patio or wherever you find intriguing to get the good energy flowing again.
  2. Do you decorate your bedroom with pictures of your kids, or pictures of romantic vacations and past dates? Look, there is nothing wrong with having pictures of your family and your cuter-than-any-other children in your bedroom, buuuuuut it can change the atmosphere and mood of a room when you have reminders of your non-sexual domestic roles that make it harder for you to momentarily remember that you’re still a sexy seductress who knows how to conjure that freaky side every once in a while. You know what I’m talkin about. Our brains can’t help but put on the breaks when we remember our domestic lives and all the responsibilities that come with it; you might not even realize it’s affecting you. What you do want to remember is that trip, date, or moment where you and your bae were happy and connected romantically. Again, don’t strive for perfection on this one, but at least minimize it.
  3. Is the space clean or does it have clutter, dirty laundry, or children’s toys? A clear space is a sexy space. The bedroom is a space where you can breathe, relax, and let go. If you have to do a quick pickup, throw those dirty clothes or children’s toys in your closet until you have time to clean up tomorrow.
  4. Do you have adequate privacy? It can be important that you have a door that fully locks and windows that close so that you can really let go mentally, thereby letting go physically. Or, if you get a thrill out of the possibility of being exposed, then more power to you, just don’t do it if you have kids in the house!

 

Part 4: Amplify the Sensuality

  1. Do you want to taste delicious? Shower a couple hours before your date with him so that your body’s natural pheromones and juices have plenty of time to marinate before he consumes you. You’ll be the perfect amount of deliciousness when he tastes you – clean yet irresistible.
  2. Do you have orgasm-worthy music? Is it accessible? Is it commercial free? Really good, mood-appropriate music is key to making a lasting sexual memory that will stamp your brain. After having been with the same person for a while, you might consider this a superfluous addition to sex, but this is a great way to up your vibrations. Remember that we’re aiming for quality over quantity, so the details in creating your experience are key. Having a portable stereo that you can take with you to the bathtub or any area of the house is super important. Make sure you’re not listening to music that has annoying commercials that interrupt the heightened mood you just spent precious time creating. I personally love R&B and most things Adam Levine – have you heard his song ‘Lips on You’?? yummy….)
  3. Is your bedroom & bathroom decor sexy? Have you considered how sexually appealing your bedroom and bathroom are? The last thing you want to look at when you’re in the middle of getting licked in the shower or bathtub is an ugly eye sore. Decor that doesn’t add a sexual vibe to the ambiance should be replaced. TJ Maxx, Ross, or Home Goods are always winners for cheap, sexy pieces.
  4. What texture and color palette makes you feel like a sex kitten? Does black, red, hot pink, or just plain nude make you feel most playful? Find the perfect texture for your sheets: soft, silky, smooth – you decide what feels most sensual. Basically are they something you would want to touch with your naked body, or a color you associate with sex? You get to decide.
  1. Are you using an aroma in your sex play? Scent coupled with a heightened experience is incredibly powerful at imprinting a memory. You are literally making your mark on your lover – they will think of you and sex whenever they smell it. Scents enhance how luxurious and pleasurable the experience is as a whole. It’s all about the details, people!!

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Lastly, I want to hear how you have found sexiness in overlooked places and what has helped you to cultivate more sexiness in your daily lives. If any of these ideas helped or inspired you, let me know in the comments section. I’d love to hear from you!!

Stay tuned for the next episode of F*ck Like a Woman, featuring our sexy story of the week about an alpha male who found pleasure in surrendering to a dominatrix. You don’t want to miss it!

Welcome everyone to F*ck Like a Woman, episode 2. On today’s show, we’re sharing our sexy story of the week inspired by real people and real events that might encourage some playful exploration or ignite some passion to bring back to your lover. This story is about the sweet, sweet pleasure that comes from your first orgasm.

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Natalie was 18 when she fell in the love for the first time. It was the kind of love that took her by surprise. As a stunningly beautiful girl with pink, full lips, dark brown hair, and hazel eyes, she expected to wind up with the tall, dark and handsome type. She wasn’t expecting to fall for a boy who looked nothing like her dream guy. Jaxon was short with red hair and freckles, but he had a secret weapon that could charm the pants off even the most beautiful girls – his sense of humor. It was the kind of humor that caught girls off guard and made them feel like a child inside, an almost addictive humor that kept them coming back for more. Jaxon sang in the school choir and even though he wasn’t conventionally attractive, he had the smoothest tenor voice Natalie had ever heard. She had seen Jaxon around school, but the first day she met him was 2nd semester of senior year. He had sheepishly made his way next to her after class and somehow found a way into her conversation with some friends. Natalie remembered thinking that day how much she couldn’t get him out of her mind, there was something about him that stuck with her.

A few months later after having spent some time together in mutual circles, Natalie and Jaxon went on their first date. It was raining heavily when he came to pick her up, so her mom told him to bring her home early. Knowing that their time together was limited made every minute that much more precious. They drove around looking at Christmas lights before heading to the movie theatre, laughing til their stomachs hurt. She had the most amazing time with him and knew he was special. At the end of the night, Jaxon parked his car in front of her house to kiss her goodnight. He leaned in and pressed his soft lips against hers. They melted into her skin, dissolving into a wet, bite of deliciousness. His tongue slipped inside her mouth and moved rhythmically with hers, a tango of teasing and pleasure. Her entire body was pulsating and moist, wanting more.

The first time Natalie visited Jaxon at his parent’s house a week later, she was nervous and excited, reminiscing about the last time he touched her. She was a fairly shy and timid girl who had lived vicariously through her sexually active best friend, but had no idea what she was doing in bed and certainly didn’t seek out those experiences with guys. After a playful and flirty greeting, they cuddled up in his bed together to watch a movie and soon their hands began to roam. He kissed her neck as his fingertips grazed her bare legs, slowly moving his hand up her silky thighs. She felt a rush of sensation the closer his fingers moved upward between her legs until she gasped when they landed on her lips under her clothes. He slowly and patiently caressed her lips ever so lightly, up and down, again and again, until she was almost dripping wet. Slowly, he slipped his middle finger under her panties and gently onto her clit, stroking it delicately, gradually pressing firmer with each of her moans. Her hips started rocking back and forth to his rhythm, begging him to go inside and feel her. He could feel her clit swelling and her juices overflowing. Gently and slowly, he slid his hand down until his middle finger was inside her, keeping his palm pressed firmly on top of her clit. Moving his finger in a come-hither motion inside of her, and rubbing his hand up and down her pussy, Natalie felt like she was going to burst. Her body had never felt so alive in all her life. For the first time, she experienced the most sumptuous, uncontrollable orgasm. Caught off guard by her excited scream, Jaxon quickly covered her mouth with his hand so his parents couldn’t hear her.

Blissed out, Natalie melted into a state of sexual euphoria. She felt amazing. Natalie had never felt this open and connected with anyone. Wanting to share the pleasure Jaxon had given her, she turned toward him and kissed him passionately. Her hand gracefully glided down from his face to his neck, past his chest and stomach, landing at the top of his pants line. Having never touched a guy like this before, she was a little intimidated but decided to explore. She grazed her finger from left to right just below the top of his boxers, letting her fingers stoop lower just inside his hip bone. Every few motions she let her fingers touch his skin just above his dick. With each subsequent motion, Jaxon’s melodic voice sang for more, his dick hardening and tightening his pants. With some hesitancy, she unbuttoned and unzipped him. He let out another moan from the pressure of unzipping him and tore down his pants for her accessibility. Natalie had never actually seen a naked penis in the flesh, but she was mesmerized. His cock was long and thick with a touch of pink at the tip. Unsure of what came next, she took her hand and started stroking it up and down, teasing and playing with him. He took her hand and guided her to follow his pace, increasing her speed as she fondled and massaged him. Jaxon put his hand on her cheek and affectionately pulled her face toward his dick. Timidly, she opened her mouth and enveloped all of him, caressing him slowly then faster, playing with more and less suction as she watched his face react to each sensation. She could feel his cock growing inside her mouth and the rim of his tip getting more pronounced as she kept sucking. Then finally, in one swooping instance, Jaxon exploded in her mouth leaving a sweet and salty aftertaste.

Natalie felt incredible, she had never made a guy orgasm before, let alone given him head. She felt powerful and exuberant, like she had discovered the Achilles heal of guys. She felt like a woman and at the same time completely vulnerable, knowing that if Jaxon bragged to his friends about their hookup, her reputation would be destroyed even though she was still a virgin and had never done anything like this before. Unfortunately for Natalie, this was a double standard between men and women that she now faced, which has existed since the dawn of time. The only person she could share this earth shatteringly awesome experience with was her best friend who was already sexually active, and yet on the other hand Jaxon could become a god in a matter of minutes, especially because Natalie was considered a good girl at school. At 18, she wondered what kind of reputation she would be setting for herself when people inevitably learned they were dating. Would this forever mean that her dream guys would consider themselves above her and out of her reach?  Her mind raced, afraid of what might unfold, and yet she felt safe and warm in Jaxon’s presence. She thought for a long while and decided that the way she felt about Jaxon and how much happier she was with him outweighed everything else. She had been in a few relationships with those “dream guys” before and none of them came close to how Jaxon made her feel inside, and especially because none of them touched and kissed her the way Jaxon did. Natalie will never forget that first time they both climaxed together. It was an initiation of sorts, an entryway into her blossoming sexuality. And Jaxon was the perfect steward to tenderly escort her to climactic bliss.

Natalie and Jaxon’s relationship lasted through the summer when they each parted ways to go to college. Natalie still looks back on that summer with great fondness for the boy who showed her body how it deserved to be handled, with such delicate and sensual care. She will never forget how astutely Jaxon studied her body, each curve and angle, with all her desires and passion. Even though Jaxon wasn’t the man Natalie thought she could fall for, he possessed the kind of endearing charisma and magnetic personality that had irrevocably imprinted on Natalie’s heart. To this day, Jaxon will never know how deeply his love touched Natalie, forever altering how she chose her future partners, and most significantly, how it enriched her sexual development and acceptance of her body as nothing less… than a goddess.  

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That’s it for today everyone; stay tuned for the next episode of F*ck Like a Woman. We’ll be discussing some practical ways that you can stimulate your sexual mind. See you then!

Welcome to the very first episode of F*ck Like a Woman. Today’s episode is all about embracing your sexual curiosity.

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Today’s show is really special because it’s a culmination of all the expertise and experience I’ve gathered on sex and love throughout my 3 decades on this planet. My efforts came out of trying to repair my own romantic life after being on the brink of divorce twice while struggling with conflicting new identities of mother, wife, career woman, and who I was as a single girl before all that happened. And as life tends to do, my darker moments pushed me to dig deep within myself to figure out how I wanted to construct my life, and stop living on autopilot.

Let me rewind a little bit to give you some backstory on what drove me to connect with you. I had a real scarcity of people I could talk to about sex, I live in Texas for crying out loud, specifically honest conversations where I didn’t have to clean up my language or gloss over the fun parts. The limited conversations I did have with people only grew my appetite. But it wasn’t enough for me – I needed more – more perspectives of sexuality and more candid dialogue about what they took away from their experiences. I wanted to know the play by play details of people’s sexual escapades – both within committed relationships and out. Specifically, I wanted women to be less squeamish and embarrassed about their sex lives, especially because for every story out there, there are at least thousands, if not millions, of other people who could relate. And just think: if we could share more and judge less, how much better could we make this world for ourselves and for our daughters?

And then one day I had an idea: I wanted to create a platform where steamy, pleasurable, and even embarrassing sex stories could be told candidly and shared with other curious pleasure-seekers like me – in detail! I wanted a space for smart and thoughtful women with relationship experience to feel comfortable learning from their sexual preferences and to be encouraged and inspired to view themselves in a more compassionate and accepting light. I want women to feel entitled to really live and exist inside their bodies, to feel emboldened to own their own space – both sexually and holistically. This is what I want for you.

To do this, I’m going to share the invaluable guidance and insight I’ve learned from sex educators and relationship experts along with experiences and lessons from my own life. My goal for this podcast is to help other women live better lives by becoming intentional and mindful first for ourselves, and secondly for our partners.

Sex isn’t everything in life, nor should it be. But, the reason we should care about managing our romantic lives is that when we experience trouble in love and sex, a tremendous amount of precious energy is consumed at the hands of worry and anxiety at trying to solve those riddles. If this energy, this extremely valuable resource that has finite limitations in a single day, could be freed up to fuel our greater purpose in life by having at our disposal the collective wisdom of our shared experiences through a platform such as this, then just think how much more could be accomplished in our lives and offered up as our contribution to the world. Our ability to achieve self-actualization is the key to manifesting our greatest potential. Even though it’s just one of the many paths that contribute to self-actualization, our love life usually yields the greatest power to throw us off course and down a road that leads us astray from our truest selves.

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Inspiration for naming the show, F*ck Like a Woman, came from my desire to join the movement to restore our genderized sexual discourse from being so bluntly masculinized and blending in the feminization of sex to create a healthy balance of both masculine and feminine undertones. Did I lose you? To give you an idea of what the hell I’m talking about when I say sex has predominantly been masculinized, sex is usually discussed and thought of in a results-driven, outcome-focused paradigm, which centers primarily on quantifying and strategizing sex. I don’t know about you, but that sure doesn’t sound sexy to me. It’s a very performance-based framework that relies heavily on comparison of oneself to another, and quite frankly, it often leaves us feeling inadequate, defeated, and frustrated. We’ve all seen examples of this framework in real life; things like how many times per week is “normal” to have sex, how to have an orgasm without fail, how to increase your orgasms during sex, how to make her squirt with these erection techniques, how to get an instant hard-on, how to fix your sexless marriage, and on and on… you get the picture. It’s not that there isn’t valuable information to be gained by knowing more methods and techniques, but the problem is that desire and eroticism don’t often play by the rules.

Instead, we’ll be focusing on feminizing our sexual discourse by reframing pleasure and eroticism as an artistic skill that we learn to cultivate, one that is often filled with paradoxes and complexities that sometimes leave us with more questions than answers. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I want one framework more than the other, it’s that we need a feminized space to wander and explore before returning back to what is. It wouldn’t make anyone’s life better to have a distortion of femininity to masculinity. This is why it’s about balance; everything is about balance. We should have the ability to see life from each vantage point and have compassion and understanding for all issues facing men and women. But in order to do this, we must bring light to the paradigm that has been left in the shadows, the one that brings context and sensuality to the forefront, the one that lets imagination and fantasy roam free, the one that lets creativity and leisure come out to play.

Sex educators teach that sexual context is one of the most important parts to creating an amazing intimate experience. But when we open up and share about our sexual escapades, we’re almost always missing the WHY – why was this so arousing? Why do you still fantasize about that rendezvous from 5 years ago? To me, the WHY is just as important and intriguing as the erotic details. If arousal starts in the brain, then knowing the WHY gives us insight into what to do more of and how we can elaborate in other contexts to make sex feel just as good, if not better.

Sexual arousal doesn’t happen in a vacuum. What I mean is that even that one-night stand means something, and I’m not talking about just pure pleasure for pleasure’s sake. I’m talking about WHY you chose that partner and not someone else, WHY did you perform those specific positions and acts, WHAT do they say about your preferences? Where did those preferences come from? How much of it was from your upbringing, how much was shaped by your family’s attitudes about sex, how much was learned from the cultural script you were socialized into performing? Most importantly, what does your sex say about you? These are the more interesting questions we should be asking, not just the behavior and technique of sex. I believe that our sex is a text to be read, one that is worth some introspection. Spend some time to look inward to learn about yourself, if not for your sake then for your partner’s sake or your future partner’s sake.

Sex is one of the most, if not the most, intimate spaces of our lives. We’re giving our bodies to another person. Our bodies come with stories – stories about where we’ve been, what we’ve been through, what we value and how we treat ourselves, and stories about how we love ourselves. It’s where all our vulnerabilities come out of hiding, where we can no longer conceal our feelings behind masks and where even the best actors can’t disguise everything. Sex is where we strip down to our most fundamental human needs: our need to be seen, to be heard, and to be validated. If in our sex lives these basic needs to connect are not met, the reverberations of our inadequacies can be felt in nearly every part of our lives – most supremely in our relationships. As author and psychotherapist Esther Perel says, “the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”

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So how does all this fit in with who I am as your host? As I mentioned earlier, I’m a life coach with a passionate interest in sex and relationship issues who decided to use the information I had learned in repairing my own marriage to turn it into a love and sex podcast for women. I’ve also been married just under 10 years and have a small family. But let me tell you… those 10 years with the same man have taught me innumerable lessons about sex, love, intimacy, and most importantly about myself. To summarize these 10 years together, we’ve survived 2 separations, 2 divorce cancellations, navigating a waning sex life that used to be so hot we spent almost all weekend in bed, the two of us raising a tiny baby together, me managing a team of people while clocking in the overtime at a job I hated, all while sorting through the psychological baggage from my childhood trauma that I’d brought with me into our relationship.

From the outside we had a great life, but in truth I’d settled in so many ways. I had settled for a life I didn’t want. In fact, it repulsed me because I had dug such a deep hole for myself that I didn’t know how to get out of it. As a couple, we had become complacent and cynical. I was judgmental, irritable, chronically stressed, and beyond burnt out at work.  We treated each other worse than we treated strangers and our efforts to keep score were mounting the animosity we felt toward each other. Oh ya, did I mention we were having shitty sex and neither of us was happy about it? I was angry because I had become someone I inherently was not. It was like the joy was sucked out of me. Have you ever been in a chapter of your life and wondered to yourself: how the fuck did I get here? That was me.

The beauty in all my personal evolution was that it made me fight for what I love, which ultimately I realized was life itself. We are all responsible for the choices that we make in this life, and for the energy that we bring to our space. We can alter the reality that we perceive by shifting our mindset toward what is good, what is in alignment with our higher selves, and once we know what we don’t want, we actually know what we do want.

So I left my position as an account manager at the company I had been with for nearly 6 years in pursuit of aligning my personality and skill set with a more fulfilling career, which ultimately led me to life coaching. I love inspiring and motivating people to live a life worth living, to go for what brings joy, purpose, and fulfillment into their souls. What I didn’t predict was that I wanted more, more knowledge, more learning, more opportunities to share information with people – specifically about the topics that I love so much – primarily about sex, intimacy, and relationship issues that I had spent so much time reading and studying about to solve my own problems. And that’s how the podcast came to fruition.

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In my 3 decades on this planet, this is what I’ve come to learn about sex:

Sex is vastly more beautiful and expansive than we usually give it credit for. It is present in all areas of our lives, and is both an energy force pulsating through us and a transcendent medium through which we travel to find new and vibrant parts of ourselves. Sex is not just the sum of all its parts or the expectant outcome of one grand finale. There is a potency to sex that can feel uncomfortable, threatening, and overwhelming, yet on the other hand can be healing, regenerative, and life-giving. It can be exquisite and poetic.

Sex lets us connect with another human being, and not always in the flesh. Sometimes that connection comes in the form of our imagination, a computer screen, over the phone, or through messaging. And it’s nonetheless powerful. The ways in which we continue to find creative ways to seek out this potent force are endless and never ceasing. The method through which we pursue that connection can reveal a good deal about our unique circumstances, motivations, human needs and comfort level. Sometimes asking for or engaging in the kind of sex we truly desire is so frightening that finding it through alternative methods is all the courage we can muster. Sex allows us to be seen, recognized, and acknowledged – even within casual sex. At its root, it makes us feel important – important enough to be chosen by another, to be desired, to be longed for, and to be consumed. Sexual play at its best grants us a sacred experience of really existing inside the body and appreciating its magnificent design.

Most importantly, sex has a lot to do with our self-esteem and how we think and feel about ourselves. It’s a big part of the identity we carry around, whether it’s tucked away as a prize to be won, proudly flaunted as a badge of merit for others to see, or cherished and freely given as a select experience for one who is worthy. Sex says so much about who we are in the present. It is a language all its own, requiring each new partner to learn the physical, biological, and psychological intricacies of the one sharing it, or consequently be lost in the details and left only to pick up the universal gestures that leave much to interpretation. Each body, mind, heart, and desire is different, unique, and complex. Granted, sex has overarching patterns and oftentimes follows a bell curve, but it is also fluid, rebellious, and ever-changing. It moves rhythmically within each moment and its dimensions are constantly expanding and contracting.

It’s easy to judge and immediately jump to conclusions about another person’s character, integrity, and morals when they engage in socially unacceptable sexual behavior within a particular context. Instead of casting judgement, I would like to peruse a myriad of ideas to see what we can learn about the human psyche in order to uncover motivating factors, to discover what alternatives, if any, might allow for a better life experience, and to shed light onto various taboo subjects that are deliberately kept in the dark. Let this not be mistaken for granting permission of all sexual acts under the guise of liberation, but instead be viewed as an exploratory measure to observe and understand what is at the root of its creation and to give careful thought to its labyrinth of complexities.

My interest lies in sharing compelling stories and initiating conversations that would otherwise not be told, and in doing so, giving them room to breathe, an opportunity to exhale, a chance to touch someone else’s heart and open their eyes to the expansive stretching of the universe, and perhaps most therapeutically, to allow their holder a chance to be set free.

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That’s it for today everyone; stay tuned for the next episode of F*ck Like a Woman, featuring our sexy story of the week about a young woman’s first orgasm with her high school sweetheart. You don’t want to miss it!