Here are 10 ways you can revive your erotic spark in your current relationship. My partner, Aaron, and I each give 5 ways that you can revitalize the sexy energy for yourself and your beloved. Depending on if you’re more vanilla or kinky, monogamous or not, you might find some inspiration in these playful ideas.

Take my super short survey here so I can learn more about you as my audience: How kinky & monogamous are you?


BDSM, Kink, and Fetishes are the topics I have the pleasure of exploring on today’s episode of Myths, Mating, & Mindset with Sex Therapist, Dr. Melvin Phillips. We unpack some common misconceptions about the psychology of kink, the roles of dominance and submission, how pleasure and pain relate, and how to play safely and consensually. Dr. Phillips offers advice and guidance on how to introduce BDSM and kink into your relationships and where to find like-minded people near you. Visit Dr. Phillips at

Here are some questions we answer on this episode:

  • Why would someone choose to feel pain as a direct route to pleasure?
  • Where is it they go in their mind/body to experience that? How is it related to mindfulness?
  • If someone is curious about trying it for the first time with a partner, where would you recommend they start?
  • What are some good/safe rules of play if you want to toy with BDSM and want to do it in a safe way?


Dr. Melvin Lee Phillips, Jr., is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. He will soon be opening his own private practice in New York City. Dr. Phillips has worked in several mental health and substance abuse treatment settings including outpatient community mental health, inpatient treatment, and private practice for the past 12 years. He is a speaker and has lectured on topics including preventative services, anxiety and stress management, caregiving stress, depression in the elderly, mindfulness and cognitive strategies for chronic pain, ethical decision making, and the assessment of mental disorders. He has published in the Journal of Baccalaureate Social Work, conducting a research study on LGBTQ-Affirmative Teaching at Historically Black Colleges and Universities: Understanding Program Directors Views. He holds a Doctor of Education (Ed.D.) degree in Organizational Leadership with an emphasis in Behavioral Health from Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, AZ. In addition, Dr. Phillips holds a Master of Social Work (MSW) degree from Norfolk State University and is an adjunct professor in the Master of Social Work Program with the School of Social Work at Western New Mexico University. Dr. Phillips currently has a private practice in Washington, DC. Where he treats chronic illness and sexual dysfunction.


Dr. Melvin Lee Phillips, Jr., Ed.D., LCSW, CSAC Licensed Psychotherapist (DC, MD, VA) Certified Substance Abuse Counselor (VA) Capitol Hill Consortium for Counseling & Consultation

650 Pennsylvania Avenue SE 4th Floor, Suite 440 Washington, DC 20003

Phone: (202) 544-5440 Cell: (757) 582-3233

Virginia Branch Office: 2001 Richmond Highway Suite 1201

Arlington, VA 22202 (703) 413-3028

Pronouns: He/Him/His