This is part 2 of our conversation on masculinity where we get real about the challenges men face with strict gender conformity and how it ties in with relationships. Today we’re focusing on sex – the myths, the misconceptions, and the reflections. We unpack some of the biases and challenges that men face in the bedroom.
And to keep you in the loop, during the month of June, I’ll be revamping the podcast to expand the reach of people who want to join in these conversations with us. I’ll be coming back with a brand new title and new episodes in July so enjoy this last release and always feel free to reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Here are a few of the ideas we discuss:
Boys’ first experiences with porn and sexual excitement – who is teaching boys about sexual education?
Exploring Erectile Dysfunction as a manifestation of a vulnerable internal state of mind: anxiety, self-esteem, body-image, depression, performance anxiety, etc.
What are some ways that men would prefer to be treated in relationships?
Keeping your partner current on what you want from the relationship sexually and emotionally
The importance of sexual communication within relationships and during the heat of the moment
The myth that men are “easy” and constantly “ready to go” sexually
The patriarchal policing of men by using the term “gay” for a man who doesn’t follow the hetero-normative male code
Sexual fluidity is not the same thing as sexual orientation, and the stereotypes of men who are more sexual fluid with the same sex
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Today, I’m sitting down with a room full of diverse men to talk about the challenges of masculinity. The reason I wanted to facilitate this discussion is to bring to light some of the points and perspectives on what it means to be a man in modern day, told by men. Many of my male followers have expressed sentiments that they don’t fit perfectly within the main, traditional box of masculinity. They’ve confided in me that they don’t feel as though they quite measure up in their sex lives, their love lives, and in many other ways. By listening to this group of men speak tonight about their experiences, hopefully my listeners will feel more acceptable in their own skin, and maybe even inspire them to continue these discussions with their own friends, family, and lovers.
Everyone, regardless of how they present or identify, should have a vested interest in loosening the tight grip of patriarchal masculinity because it not only hurts women and LGBTQ people, but it hurts men, too.
Here are a few of the ideas we discuss:
The overwhelming statistics of violence by men, not just to others, but to themselves (suicide), and the gaping void of close friends they can turn to in crisis within individualistic societies
The myth of the “real man”… who is this mythical man?!
The lack of vulnerability men are “allowed” to show, especially when it affects their physical and emotional well-being
When the tough guise of manliness serves a purpose as an adaptive mechanism (combat zones, police force, etc) versus when it’s maladaptive (in family life, relationships, with our children, etc)
The lack of healthy leadership for boys as they transition into adulthood, that directly impacts their ability to be good, present fathers and learn how to enjoy their sexuality in a healthy way
The socialization of men into being autonomous and not asking for help, even when situations are dire
Stay tuned for next week’s continuation of masculinity, where we talk specifically about sex and masculinity. We unpack some of the biases and challenges that men face in the bedroom. See ya next week!
Welcome to episode 29 of F*ck Like a Woman. Today, I’m talking about transgression – what’s behind it, why do we do it, and how do we make sense of it within committed relationships. Just how honest are you willing to get? Not just with your partner, but with yourself, too.
These are a few topics that my partner, Aaron, and I cover today:
How are we defining monogamy?
How do you affair-proof your relationship?
Are you staying fresh and being real with yourself and your partner(s)?
Where does attraction for others & crushes fit into a relationship?
Where do you fall on the spectrum of monogamy?
Oh, and a disclaimer before you hear this episode: the vibe we’re putting off in this episode did not happen overnight. It took years for us to be this open, honest, and playful with each other, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Enjoy!
Welcome to Episode 28 of F*ck Like a Woman. Today, I talk with trusted hot sex advisor to millions, the famous Susan Bratton, as she shares all the ways women can orgasm, how to initiate dirty talk, her favorite sex toys, and much more.
Susan Bratton is a champion and advocate for all who desire passionate relationships. Considered the “Dear Abby of Sex,” Susan’s fresh approach and original ideas have helped millions of people of all ages and across the gender spectrum transform sex into passion.
Married to her husband Tim since 1993, Susan is an author, award-winning speaker, and serial entrepreneur who teaches passionate lovemaking techniques to her fans around the world. Susan has been featured in The New York Times and on CNBC and the TODAY show as well as appearing on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and on NBC as the “Marriage Magician.”
Susan is Chair Emeritus of the ad:tech conference; she was both CMO and a member of the Board of Directors for an Anthony Robbins tech start-up as well as serving on numerous boards throughout her career. In 2009, Susan was honored as a “Silicon Valley Woman of Influence” by The Business Journal and as a “Top 10 Internet Pioneer” by AdAge Magazine. In 2010, was bestowed the Lifetime Industry Achievement award by dmg World Media.
Susan’s straight-talking, fearless approach is rooted in her personal experience of watching her sex life wither while she and her husband pursued dynamic careers. When their relationship hit a crisis point, the couple made a fierce commitment to do whatever it took to keep their family together and revive the passion in their marriage. Today, she and her husband have the kind of dream relationship most people long-since stopped believing is even possible—until they discover Susan’s teachings.
Susan is CEO and co-founder (with her husband) of Personal Life Media. Through her company, Susan has authored 20 books including Relationship Magic, The Passion Patch and 30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic, as well as her International #1 Amazon best-seller, Sexual Soulmates: The 6 Essentials for Connected Sex.
She has also created and published numerous online courses including her wildly popular Revive Her Drive and Steamy Sex Ed® DVD Collection, as well as programs such as: Seduction Trilogy, Expand Her Orgasm Tonight, The Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men, Female Liquid Orgasm, and Keep Her Coming.
Susan believes that shame-free, frequent sexual pleasure is every man and woman’s birthright: “After 25 years of marriage, I know from experience that deep, passionate intimacy with my partner is priceless: a priority that tops my list of must-haves alongside good health and the love of family and friends. I have made it my mission to aid anyone who wants the kind of lovemaking that improves with age.”
She and her husband split their time between their home on Mt. Tamalpais in Mill Valley, California and their cozy beach shack in Encinitas, with occasional trips to far-off lands to visit their globe-trotting daughter.
Welcome to Episode 27 of F*ck Like a Woman. This episode is an erotic story about one woman who found herself enticed by the forbidden: her roommate’s boyfriend. This moral dilemma left her puzzled and conflicted as to why this transgression was so alluring.
As a coach who is greatly inspired by Esther Perel, I’ve always known that the world is not black and white, strictly good or bad. There’s an infinite amount of grey that complicates our human experience, and when we immediately condemn and demonize before we have even sought to understand why, we miss the lessons within the journey, and we disillusion ourselves into believing that mere morality will inoculate us from history repeating itself.
To quote Esther Perel in ‘The State of Affairs’, “The intricacies of love and desires don’t yield to simple categorizations of good and bad, victim and culprit. And to be clear, not condemning doesn’t mean condoning. And there’s a world of difference between understanding and justifying. But when we reduce the conversation to simply passing judgement, we are left with no conversation at all.”
The next weekend, Jessica introduced Samantha to her boyfriend John. John was cute in a nerdy funny way and had nice eyes, full lips, and jet black hair. He was dressed in a black hoodie with torn jeans and Chuck Taylors. When they first met, John couldn’t look away from Samantha. She felt a little shy because she wondered if Jessica could pick up on the vibe John was sending her way. Every time they made eye contact, Samantha would catch John staring deeply at her, before she had to look away. John wasn’t intentionally staring at her or trying to make Sam uncomfortable, but it seemed he couldn’t help himself. He thought she was beautiful, but didn’t have enough self-awareness to hide it.
Every day when Samantha came home from work, Jessica and John were already home in the living room drinking and watching TV. One night, Samantha came home with some food to cook dinner for all of them. She started laying everything out on the counter to wash and prep the food. As she was washing vegetables at the sink, Jessica went upstairs to change out of her work clothes and John walked over to the counter in front of Sam and sat down. He started making conversation and joking around with her, playfully flirting. Sam laughed and kept washing the food. When she looked up from the sink, she noticed that John was staring right at her chest as she scrubbed the potatoes. She noticed it was because her shirt dipped down, showing the top of her bra, and her chest jiggled when she scrubbed. Realizing this, she stopped washing and walked away to prep the other food. When she turned around to get her knife, she caught John staring at her ass. He quickly looked away when he realized she saw him, and embarrassingly changed the subject. Jessica came back downstairs and they all had dinner together, but John avoided long eye contact with Samantha the rest of the night.
The next weekend, Samantha and Jessica made plans to go out with some friends to a bar downtown, and John tagged along. After Samantha got dressed and ready, she walked downstairs wearing tight black leather pants and thigh high boots. When John looked up from his drink and saw her sexy legs gracefully gliding down the stairs, he got excited. His eyes took her all in, working his way up from her sexy heels, to her thick thighs and curvy hips, up toward her small waist and round breasts, draped with a low-cut sweater. He watched her chest bounce up and down as she gracefully landed on each step. Samantha could tell that John was watching her, but she avoided looking at him because it was easier to pretend it wasn’t happening, and she didn’t want to bring more attention to it with Jessica right there. Excitedly, they all piled into a cab and met their friends down at the bar.
An hour into the night, Samantha was having a great time with all her friends, relishing the fact that she had started a new life for herself in this big city. She was feeling so carefree dancing to the music. Jessica grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor, then waved at John to follow. He followed them onto the dance floor where they all started dancing freely with each other, playfully sandwiching John between the two of them. The next song that came on was loud and sultry so they started grinding harder on each other, with Samantha in front, John behind her, and Jessica in the back. By that point in the night, they were all getting tipsy and naturally their boundaries started getting a little fuzzy. What Jessica might have otherwise considered too close for dancing with her roommate, she was now encouraging John to do with Samantha in the name of having a good time. Jessica seemed to find their dancing entertaining and amusing. In light of Jessica’s relaxed attitude, John decided put his hand on Sam’s waist as they danced. And, seeing that she didn’t push his hand away, he moved it down onto her hips, slowly edging his hand around toward the front of her hips, gently pulling her body in toward his pelvis. Samantha felt a rush of anticipation surge throughout her body. John and Sam grinded in sync with each other for another song, and by this point she could feel his pelvis getting firmer and warmer up against her ass. But to Samantha’s surprise, she didn’t want to push him away, she was getting turned on by how firmly he was pulling her hips toward his waist. She was even turned on that he was getting hard rubbing up against her. She felt so conflicted by the loyalty she felt for her new friend and roommate, yet she was getting so wet feeling his hand in such close proximity to her pussy, knowing at any second he could slip his hand between her legs and no one would know because the bar was so crowded. The thought was driving her crazy, and the alcohol was so strong. Jessica tapped them on the shoulder to go get another drink from the bar. Samantha was partly relieved because she wasn’t sure how much steamier things were going to get with John. When Sam slipped away to go to the bathroom, she was surprised to find her thong was soaked. She was a little embarrassed because John wasn’t even her type, but the way he desired her was incredibly arousing.
A couple hours later, their whole group moved back onto the dance floor, and John found his way behind Samantha again. Testing the waters, he put his hand on the small of her back, and Sam kept dancing, tacitly encouraging him without being too forward. As he moved closer behind her, he lightly grazed her ass all the way down with his hand. Her bottle tingled at his fingers. Feeling more daring this time, John slipped his hand under her sweater around her waist and softly touched her skin, tracing the tips of his fingers across her stomach, caressing her body. Then moving his hand upward underneath her sweater, he slowly traveled all the way up to her breast, touching and squeezing it lightly, stopping to feel and stroke her hardening nipple. Samantha’s knees started to weaken, feeling like her body could collapse into his. She was completely out of her element doing this in public and especially with her roommate’s boyfriend. But she was tipsy and the bar was so packed that their friends couldn’t see what John was doing to her. And yet this made it all the more exciting, knowing they could get caught at any moment, but they were too enthralled in the passion of the moment.
A couple songs later, it was last call and the lights started coming on so they all got back in a cab and rode home. On the way home, John and Samantha tried their best not to give anything away, acting as normal as possible. When they got home, Jessica passed out on the couch downstairs. Still in a foggy haze, John had made his way over to the couch next to Samantha, right next to where Jessica was sleeping. One thing led to another and they started kissing. He put his hand on her leg, rubbing up her thigh, loving how her body felt in her leather pants. Samantha was already so turned on that she could barely wait before she unbuttoned her pants, and shoved his hand on her pussy. When he felt how wet her thong was, his dick got so hard. He rubbed her pussy, wanting to be inside her. She climbed on top of him and started grinding against his dick through his pants. He gripped her hips and shoved her toward him with each thrust. Wanting to move someplace quieter, they climbed the upstairs, step by step barely making it up each one as he followed closely behind her, squeezing, kissing, and biting her ass through her tight pants. They made it to her bed where he slid off her boots and tight pants. He started kissing her pussy and getting her juices all over his face. She was so wet and messy from all the build-up and anticipation of what as about to happen. He unzipped his pants and stroked himself as he smelled and licked her pussy. After a few minutes, he could tell she was getting close so he slid his finger in her pussy to get it wet, and slipped it into her ass as he licked harder on her clit. She went wild. He put a rubber on and thrust himself inside her. Her pussy was so tight that he erupted with a loud moan when he felt himself inside her. He flipped her over so she could finish on top of him. Gripping her ass with one hand and smacking her ass with the other, she rode him harder, going wild. As she bent down to ride him with her breasts pushed up against his chest, he teasingly pulled her hair and told her, “don’t stop”. She lost it and screamed in ecstasy. Feeling her pussy tightening and pulsating around his dick made him lose it.
Samantha found herself unbelievably turned on by the fact that they could get caught at any moment. At the same time, she felt like a horrible person to her new roommate, but it felt like she couldn’t stop. The more turned on John got, the more turned on she got. They both knew it was wrong and yet that’s exactly what made her want it more. As time passed, Samantha found herself going back to this night as a frequent fantasy and couldn’t figure out why it was so enticing to her. She likes to think she would never do something like that again if the opportunity presented itself, but she still wonders what it was about that fantasy that remains so sexually appealing out of all the other experiences she’s had since.
I wondered to myself if it had something to do with conforming to others’ expectations of her, maybe from striving to be a good girl who didn’t act outside what was expected from her. It seems to be the kind of indiscretion that society expects from men at some point in their life, excusing it as being biologically wrapped up in their DNA, but the story is told differently for women. Maybe she was rebelling against what others expected from her as someone who had always been a people pleaser. I also wondered if there was something intrinsically alluring about doing something so bad. Like a child disobeying her parent, Samantha had knowingly subverted the relationship authority of Jessica and John, right under her nose. John wasn’t even someone Samantha would normally ever be attracted to, but she was erotically hypnotized by the enticement of the forbidden. Samantha was crossing a line, a line that is often considered one of the worst a person could cross, and was doing it almost outright, in a bold and daring demonstration of her freedom and desires. It was as though she was establishing her own authority and autonomy in doing so. My hope for Samantha is that she finds other healthy ways to express herself in the bedroom that can elicit a similar feeling of sexual excitement without the risk and endangerment to another person’s relationship.
That’s it for today everyone, stay tuned for next week’s episode where I talk with hot sex advisor to millions, the famous Susan Bratton, as she talks about all the ways women can orgasm, how to initiate dirty talk, her favorite sex toys, and much more. Subscribe to the show so you don’t miss out.
If you’ve ever struggled with guilt or shame around your sexuality that has roots in your religion, listen to this couple share their embarrassing and raw struggles with managing sexual desire while conflicting with the shaming messages from their faith. Creators of the “Show Up Naked” podcast, Eric & Stephanie Molletta, confess to all the humiliating details surrounding the shame & guilt of their religious past.
And this isn’t a conversation about a specific religion or denouncing God or religion in general, but rather a discussion to identify some of the challenges that can become major inhibitors not just to a couple’s sex life, but to the stability and integrity of the relationship itself when left unexamined.
On the Show Up Naked Podcast, Eric and Stephanie aim to unapologetically tackle the tough and raw conversations about sex, relationships, and marriage that are usually hidden from the public eye that you rarely see discussed with such honesty, especially on social media. Their inspiration for the show started out of a desire to share their courageous story with infidelity, what it taught them about living intimately and authentically, and how embracing your naked beauty is a path to emotional vulnerability and spiritual growth.
Welcome to episode 25 of F*ck Like a Woman. Today, I’m discussing toxic masculinity, redefining gender roles, and how some of our sexual stereotypes about men directly impact their sex lives. This episode isn’t meant to attack men or tell men they need to be more sensitive or that they have to discard their whole masculinity. And it certainly isn’t meant as a gender war to spark debates about who is the greater villain or who is the greater victim. For time’s sake we can only cover a fraction of the full potential of this conversation, but I hope it initiates some thoughtful conversation for you in safe spaces. My intention is to let men know they have choices, they have options, and one of the options available is that they can still keep the masculine attributes that feel comfortable for them, but we have to identify what defining parts of masculinity continue to be toxic to men, women, little boys, and little girls because those parts have got to go. The aggression, the violence, and the perpetual need to establish dominance and maintain control are among the most concerning elements of toxic masculinity. In fact, one of the 9 predictors of divorce that the Gottman Institute discovered is men’s inability to accept influence from their women. So if we think these conversations don’t directly affect our daily lives, think again.
With that said, let me ask you: Don’t you want full access to all of the capabilities you have as a human being? We let ourselves be controlled by forces outside ourselves all the time – for the good and for the bad. But when it’s to the detriment of our ability to be a full human being, then you’re really cheating yourself and you’re being cheated by these systems out of your greatest potential. You only have 1 life to live, don’t you want it to be a damn good one?
When you get men alone, you hear sometimes completely different messages than when they’re in front of other guys or even women.
So for you men out there who have ever felt that you don’t quite fit into this rigid box of masculinity, you are not alone. Therapists have known this for a long time. If you could hear what I hear as a coach, you would know that lots of men don’t feel they quite measure up to this one main way of doing masculinity, but they feel the pressure of losing social status if they don’t keep up the outward display for women, but especially for other men.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak, less manly or less masculine to question these things
In fact, I would argue that not bucking the norm of this one rigid way of doing masculinity is actually a very passive stance
Toxic masculinity specifically is really a caricature of a very antiquated way of doing masculinity to the detriment of everyone’s mental and physical health – men, women, and children. Men’s violence, which is a primary component of toxic masculinity, is connected not just to women, but to other men and to themselves also – the same system that produces men who abuse women, creates men who abuse other men and boys, and who abuse themselves via male suicide
I believe that when a man bucks the masculine norms and rejects the notion of being seen as an animalistic, unemotional, aggressive, and a sexually aggressive caveman who is always ready to fuck, always ready to fight, always ready to prove he’s a real man, who can “grab women by the pussy” cause he’s gonna give her what she deserves, he’s actually demonstrating that he’s very subversive, very autonomous, and fully self-determined in making his own choices and he isn’t going to let someone else narrowly and rigidly define who he is and how he’s going to be portrayed.
And these ideas directly impact and effect our sex lives. In the last 30 minutes of my video, I talk about women’s role in perpetuating some of these male sexual stereotypes that make it difficult for men to express themselves in a more transparent way.
We all have a part to play in creating and facilitating these conversations, just like we do for any other form of discrimination – but let’s not kid ourselves, certain groups of people have more responsibility in leading the way, specifically the members of the dominant groups who are benefiting from these systemic privileges and maintaining the control
Usually the people who criticize social progress are those who have either not educated themselves on the issues that directly affect the lives of those who are suffering or they are the very people who benefit from things staying the same
A lot of times a sign that you can tell if someone is the benefactor of a certain type of privilege is if that the issue is actually invisible to them, it means that they’re not the one who is dealing with the negative consequences of it and therefore they can’t or don’t want to recognize its legitimacy
As Martin Luther King, Jr. was quoted saying in the struggle for civil rights, “In the end what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
I think underneath a lot of what’s so concerning about this for men is that they wonder if they’ll have any value after we neutralize their masculinity – it’s kind of like, what am I supposed to do now? If I’m not allowed to be the protector, the rock, the provider, or whatever, then what? Where do i find my identity, my value, my worth, the thing that only i can provide, the thing that you can’t get from your girlfriends, your job, or your children, your vibrator. This is what I know how to do and how to be, and now i’m being told I shouldn’t be or do this, so how do I maintain some sort of worth.
We live in a culture with mixed signals – rewarded sometimes yet other times told something else. Tell your sons, I expect more from you
What’s at stake?
It’s much easier to build healthy children than to repair broken men. – Fredrick Douglas
BOYS WILL BE BOYS IS ACTUALLY AN ANTI-MALE STATEMENT –
This argument is made to defend bad behavior
This idea that men can’t control themselves and dont have the mental capacity to control their actions and have full control over their faculties
That men aren’t moral actors and agents who can make ethical decisions – they’re just “BEASTS”
If that doesn’t sound like having low expectations for men, I don’t know what does
The “Wussification” of men –
The question should be: what does it mean to be strong?
Not centered around aggression – so antiquated
This is a caricature
Apologizing = admitting weakness
This is neanderthal thinking – this is absurdity on a high level
But also on this note, we need to recognize that the ability and risk for certain boys and men who live in particular sub-cultures within our larger american culture have significantly harder challenges challenging this dominant version of masculinity because their safety is literally at stake – so you could maybe even make the argument that saying, “you just have to speak up” is a privileged point of view to a large extent. Its not saying it’s impossible to pick and choose your battles, but it’s not so simple in some communities where the stakes are much higher. To survive.
So much of young boys and young men life has direct ties to their family life
Sexual abuse in military by men to men – overwhelming perpetrators and significant amount of victims – “Spotlight” movie about Catholic church sexual scandals
It was women feminists who brought these topics up and don’t get credit for shining light on sexual abuse to boys and young men – but you never hear this in the public conversation, instead they’re portrayed as anti-male and male bashing
These are LEADERSHIP issues for men, not sensitivity training
Not because you’re a nice guy helping out the women, but because you’re a leader and we need to raise the bar
True prevention is going to the root of the problem – and this means going to boys and men
And the men were talked to as you’d better do this or else you’re going to have trouble with the law (Men were focused on as perps or potential perps) – turns men off, they tune out – I’m a good guy, it’s a problem but its not my problem
We need to raise the bar a little higher for what it means to be a good guy in america for 2019 – you shouldn’t get high fives for not being a rapist
Challenge and interrupting the behavior
Members of the dominant group – white, heterosexual, male for example – it’s your job to challenge them – if you don’t say something, what are you saying? Attitudes influence actions
“Those who remain neutral take the side of the oppressor”
Start with more concrete things and examples, instead of going for the grey areas like comedy – there’s a context, nuance, and subtly
Think critically and introspectively about their language and behavior – they need to make those determinations for themselves
You have to step out of your comfort zone to gain any kind of understanding
Everybody wants to find a place and a person who accepts them despite what their body looks like, despite their education, the salary they make, their sexual background, their sexual attraction market value (conventional attractiveness) – everyone wants this, this is something that transcends every difference we all have
As Kamala Harris says, “You don’t let people tell you who you are, you tell THEM who you are.”
My guest today shares a dark family secret ridden with shame – he was birthed out of incest. He opens up about his experiences with an alcoholic father and learning the shocking truth about where he came from.
Lynn Everard is now an author, a life coach, and a speaker, hoping to share his heartfelt message with the world about how speaking your truth could save your life. You can find more information on my guest here: https://lynneverard.com/
Specifically, we’re going to talk about:
The lack of physical touch for young boys
“As men we all have a war within that robs us of our peace but also can negatively impact the women in our lives, but as men discover their own war and are able to let go of it they become more capable living their lives from a place of balance. This includes how we treat and relate to women.” – Lynn Everard
His recent experience coaching a workshop for men called the Masculine Journey
The balancing act of masculine and feminine within all of us
“All men and women carry both the feminine and the masculine within. Our experiences, sexual identity and belief systems impact how we deal with it. I believe that many, if not most, men fear our feminine aspect. And as men we often attack what we fear. As men we cannot attack the feminine concept but we can attack women. I am not saying that this is the only possible truth on the matter but rather something to explore.” – Lynn Everard
His childhood experiences with incest and how it shaped his life and his 34 year marriage
Lynn’s upcoming book, How Speaking Your Truth Can Save Your Life and How It Saved Mine and he’s the co-creator of the soon to be launched How To Speak Your Truth Workshop.
By assisting his clients in writing their life stories, he helps them speak their own truth. Lynn believes in helping aspiring writers become powerful authors of their own lives.
This is a FUN episode! Today, I’m exploring some psychological theories behind some of the most popular sexual fantasies. It’s more playful than last week’s episode of part 1, but I highly recommend you watch that video here if you haven’t already so that you can follow along better with this one. And I strongly suggest you watch/listen along with the video version rather than audio by clicking here.
Here are a few of the fantasies I cover on this podcast:
4.Diapered & Babied
7.Group Sex – (men on men, women on women, cuckolding, orgies, etc.)
It’s important to educate yourself on where your fantasies come from and what they might mean, but be cautious not to use sexual fantasy interpretations as a one-size-fits-all explanation, as it depends on the person and their unique circumstances. But theories can bring us generalizations that can be helpful at times to explain commonalities among large groups. There will always be exceptions and outliers of course, as a myriad of factors influence our fantasies.
Some things to keep in mind as we delve into the deeper meanings of sexual fantasies:
All of the meanings depend on the person
The meaning, the thought, the feeling, or the behavior is subjective and not formulaic, and it doesn’t always mean the same thing
But I will say that if, as we go along, something strikes a cord in you or you find yourself smiling or laughing, that’s probably your internal needle saying, hey! I find some truth to this!
There is another fact about this topic that we cannot escape, and that is as Esther Perel says, one person’s fantasy is another person’s turn-off. However, once you can educate yourself on what your own fantasies mean, it will grease the wheels in understanding what your partner’s fantasies might mean so that you can try to counteract any fear, shame, or embarrassment that you both might feel in revealing them. And in other cases, one might have no intention of actually acting upon a fantasy in real life. Fantasy and reality are two very different things in the world of human sexuality. I cannot stress that enough. Just because you fantasize about something does not necessarily mean you want to or would ever want to act on it.