I’m a life coach with a passionate interest in sex and relationship issues who decided to use the information I had learned in repairing my own marriage to turn it into a love and sex podcast for women!
Little did I know going into this coaching session how much my anger and unworthiness from my childhood was affecting my ability to accept prosperity. During my private session with Tamara Smith, Master NLP Practitioner, who specializes in grief and trauma, you get to hear how these limiting beliefs surfaced as a drinking problem in my 20s and had me in AA before I even turned the legal drinking age, how it affected my marriage in a damaging way, and why I’m so adamant to not pass on my shortcomings for my child’s sake.
If you could change one area of your life which would make an immediate improvement on all other areas of your life, what area would that be? What is one self-sabotaging behavior that is preventing you from flourishing in love & relationships? Today, I’m talking with Master NLP Practioner, Tamara Smith, about Neuro-Linguistics Programming and Mental and Emotional Release therapy, which is a neuro-scientific approach that allows people to release their emotional baggage and create major breakthroughs to their subconscious mind without going to years of therapy.
The next 2 episodes we talk about my own limiting beliefs and then we get into the nitty gritty with releasing my mental and emotional blocks. Don’t miss it!
Here are 50 date ideas that will get you outside your comfort zone and off the couch. If you want to challenge yourself to do more with your romantic life and have some interactive adventures while doing it, you’re going to want to hear this list! Also, the name of the game I mention in the episode is actually called Couplicious Sex Game (find it on Amazon here).
Today’s short erotic story is about a sci-fi writer who gets flown out for an event in Japan, and meets a sexy patron of erotica novels on his departing flight. To listen to the full episode for just $1 per episode, go to www.patreon.com/devonevans.
In today’s erotic short story, Brian, a geeky nerd who doesn’t have an active social life, finds a sexy, digital reality game, and meets a woman named Jane who is drop dead gorgeous. In the game, they wind up having sex – lots of it. In fact, it’s the hottest fiery sex Brian has ever had. Over a period of months, he finds himself falling in love with Jane. One day, they decide to talk outside of the game so they exchange numbers and plan a time to talk. He finds himself enthralled by the idea of what they could do in real life if their digital sex is this hot. Listen to the full episode at www.patreon.com/devonevans.
There is not a single living organism on this planet that has ever had the same unique combination of characteristics as you – both internally and externally, expressed in quite the same way as you and with the same life experiences as you, in the whole history of the entire universe.
Now that’s powerful.
Have you ever just sat and pondered how magnificent this idea is? How often do you think about how infinite and expansive the universe really is? When we get out of our own little heads for just a fleeting moment, we can see just how unique that really makes us.
My guess is that someone reading this right now really needed to hear this today. This is precisely the kind of perceptual lens through which we should all be viewing ourselves at any given time. And I don’t use the word “should” lightly, but in this case it’s quite fitting.
Let me tell you about one of the most important lessons I learned on love and self-perception from a mightily powerful TedTalk called, The Art of Being Yourself, given by a beloved life coach named Caroline McHugh. It was so powerful in fact, that I must have seen it at least 15 times now. The reason I’m telling you about this talk and the lesson I learned within it, is that it has served me well in this early stage of creating, negotiating, and navigating a foreign land of opening up my relationship – and I can see how without it, one could easily fall into a pit of self-doubt.
I’m going to explain 3 specific orientations of how we perceive ourselves and the world around us as described by McHugh in her TedTalk. And trust me, being able to identify these 3 complexes is a handy tool when you experience jealousy, insecurity, and discomfort in “the lifestyle” (and anywhere else for that matter). The first is INFERIORITY – a feeling of being smaller than others, which relies on the presence of another in order to find our identity in relation to them. The second is SUPERIORITY – a feeling of being grander than others, which also relies on the presence of another in order to find our own meaning. And finally, the third orientation McHugh coined is the one I want you to remember: INTERIORITY. It’s the only way to be that’s completely uncomparative. In this way of being, you are the only yardstick for comparison. You have value regardless of the presence of another. And it’s the one space where there’s absolutely no competition.
Now I’m not saying I have true inner confidence down pat (and I would be highly skeptical of any 34 year old who claims to), but I have internalized the very concept of universal uniqueness that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. In fact, I can say with absolute certainty that there is no one else on the planet like me, and there never has been and there never will be. Furthermore, I can say with the utmost confidence that this is true about you, too. And because of that, it is much easier to redirect my thinking onto INTERIORITY when, for example, I feel as though I should be farther along in my journey than I currently am. Do I struggle with emotional regulation just like everyone else? Yes, but I can say that I have a pretty strong sense of what I have to offer.
However, what I have to offer is not for everyone, and that’s a beautiful thing. I made peace with that some time ago. There are reasons why we are not meant to mate with every person we encounter. How thankful are we that those past partners didn’t work out??
What I want you to hear loud and clear is that we are NOT who we love, and we are not who loves us. And thank Caroline McHugh for illuminating this so eloquently in her TedTalk. Moreover, if we took this concept of love and put it on a much smaller scale, we aren’t even who we find attractive or who finds us attractive. We aren’t who we want to date, and we aren’t who wants to date us. We aren’t who breaks our hearts, and we aren’t who’s hearts we break. If I could go back in time to my younger self, starting as young as middle school, this is what I would tell her. Our value and worth in this life is completely unrelated to the people who reciprocate or don’t reciprocate our affection for them. What McHugh was saying in her talk is that it doesn’t even constitute a part of our intrinsic identity. Because remember, we are each that unique composition of experiences and traits that cannot be replicated. Our conscious selves don’t belong to anyone, nor does someone else belong to us. And did you notice, that NONE of this has to do with physical appearance? Ya sure that’s part of your whole package, but it’s a very fleeting part. The much bigger, grander you that I’m talking about is the inner you – all the intangible qualities that are transitory yet somewhat stable.
I don’t know about you, but I gain an immense sense of freedom and relief from that. Those things come and go, they wax and wane. Both the good and the bad is fleeting. So the orientation that I choose to live by is interiority – where I remember the impermanence of the conditions in our lives, especially in our love lives. And in that space, I live with just me – uncomparatively.
So the next time that you start to feel like you’re drowning in an abyss of self-doubt, remember how lovely you are. Remember that the conscious you who is feeling the feelings of sadness, heartbreak, jealousy or insecurity is not actually tied to that person you’re thinking of. All of those things are impermanent. All of those things are outside of yourself. You are not who you love, and you aren’t who loves you.
On today’s show, my partner and I are discussing at least 5 lessons we’ve learned so far in opening our relationship after our sexy trip to Desire Resorts Riviera Maya (you can listen to our experience there on Episode 32). We talk about privacy vs secrecy, autonomy & freedom, regulating our emotions, and differentiation from our partners.
For relationship or life coaching, you can book a private session with me HERE. Become a Patreon member for just $2 per month at patreon.com/devonevans, allowing you access to 2 erotic short stories per month at $1 per episode!
What was it like for you the first time you fell in love? Did you fall for someone who was outside your normal type? Love is often inconvenient, and sometimes doesn’t fit into the mold of who you think you should love. It’s a powerful force – mysterious, inspiring, painful, and evocative. Appreciating the changes it inspires within us is often more important than what becomes of the love itself. Listen to this erotic story about a man named Luke who reflects back on a distant memory of falling in love with a young woman at a pivotal time of growth and change in their lives.
Starting today, September 4th,I will be releasing my erotic stories for Patreon members only. But don’t worry! Membership starts at just $2 per month – so only $1 per episode! With that small contribution, you’ll have access to my new stories every other week. If you appreciate the content that I’m putting out to enhance your erotic mind (and maybe your lover’s), then please go to www.Patreon.com/devonevans and contribute starting with just $2/month. Thanks, lovers!
I would absolutely LOVE it if you would write me a review on iTunes to show some love and support for the show. Your enthusiasm for my work means a lot to me, and keeping the show alive with shares, likes, and reviews is what keeps my wheels turning! Thank you so much and enjoy the episode. 🙂
Here are 10 ways you can revive your erotic spark in your current relationship. My partner, Aaron, and I each give 5 ways that you can revitalize the sexy energy for yourself and your beloved. Depending on if you’re more vanilla or kinky, monogamous or not, you might find some inspiration in these playful ideas.
In today’s erotic short story, Daniel, a 40-something year old man travels to London in the aftermath of his divorce to experience what it would be like to be a woman’s sex slave, and he finds a bargain when Mistress Anna shares him with her colleagues for the night.
Starting next month on September 4th, I will be releasing my erotic stories for Patreon members only. But don’t worry! Membership starts at just $2 per month – so only $1 per episode! With that small contribution, you’ll have access to my new stories every other week. If you appreciate the content that I’m putting out to enhance your erotic mind (and maybe your lover’s), then please go to www.Patreon.com/devonevans and contribute starting with just $2/month. Thanks, lovers!